What if I wanted to break?
by takecareofyourself
Summary: Takes place after 2x12 and the death of Bart.


Storyline: This story takes place after 2x12.

A/N: Hope you guys like it. 

Disclaimer: I do not own gossip girl or the song of the title.

Thanks to my amazing beta Tatiana.

"_What if I wanted to __break__?"_

They are close to a kiss, so close. Only inches apart. She feels like she belongs to him, she is his. He can have her right there, but he wants to hear those three little words. The words that are so hard for both of them to say, They don't know why, but the words just can't come out of their mouths. Only inches apart, only inches, and still he has to ruin it.

"I need to talk to Chuck." His voice sounds upset. The only thing that comes into Chuck's head is that Bart started a fight with Rufus.

Blair looks at him, annoyed. "Dan, go away!"

Dan looks at Chuck. Actually, he stares at Chuck, unable to speak. "It's important."

Chuck pulls away from Blair and steps aside. He can see Lily and Serena looking at them. Rufus is there, but Bart isn't. Where is his father? Everyone is there, everyone but him. Chuck looks through the crowded place, trying to spot Bart. He should be there now, if he cares for his new _**family**_. Something inside of Chuck breaks, because he knows that something bad is about to happen. He feels it.

"There's been an accident. It's Bart. _I'm sorry_," Dan's last words break. He looks at Chuck, who really isn't reacting.

Blair steps in with Lily and Serena, looking at the new tragedy. Damn that mother chucker and his bad karma.

"We have to go to the hospital," Lily somehow manages to say.

Chuck searches for her hand, searches until he finally finds it, and when he does, he takes a hold of it. No tears, no laughter, no smiles. Just pain.

They sit in the car in silence; he still has her hand woven into his. Blair does whatever he's doing, looks at the same things, and looks in the same way.

When they arrive at the hospital, Lily looks for the doctors, Aaron hugs Serena while she is looking at Dan, who looks broken. Chuck and Blair aren't with them, and they aren't able to look for them. Serena tries to count everyone who's there, and she always realizes that someone's missing. Someone that should be there for Chuck. She looks again, and he isn't there, so she excesses herself and calls him.

20 minuets later, he's there with Vanessa. Serena pulls him into a hug and whispers, "I can't find Chuck and Blair, and I…please." So he leaves Vanessa with Dan, and he leaves Serena with Aaron, and looks for them.

He finds them in the children's department, holding hands and staring at the wall. They are not moving. Watching them for awhile, Nate decides to join them. He sits next to Chuck, putting his hand on his leg. Nate catches their pattern and stares at the same thing.

They don't talk, they just sit there, and minuets go by. Chuck, Blair and Nate, together in this tragedy. No talking or even breathing, for that matter. Just two lost friends being there for their best friend. For one ofthem, Chuck is more than just a friend, he is the man she loves. For Nate, Chuck is like his brother. The silence needs to be broken. It's too much to take, too much silence.

"Remember the time that we set Blair's hair on fire?" Nate starts and laughs a little. "We were seven, and Blair hated us for months." They don't react to Nate's attempt at conversation; they still sit still.

Nate is unable to sit still, because it's killing him, seeing his friend hurting. Knowing that there's nothing he can do breaks him. They all know that Bart isn't going to survive: it's written in the stone of Chuck Bass' life. His father isn't going to survive, everyone knows it, but still there's some hope. A hope for a miracle, or hope that everything is going to turn out okay.

Blair doesn't move, she doesn't speak, and she still holds his hand.

It's over; the happiness from this day is gone. Nate sends Serena a message, telling her where they are. He picks up on their pattern again and doesn't move or talk. Minuets later, Serena, Eric, Aaron, Dan and Vanessa come. They all see the same thing, two friends being there for their best friend.

Serena's heart aches, because she knows that she belongs there with them. They are her family, too. She wants to be able to be there for Chuck, but it feels like they formed their own gang without her. And it sounds selfish, but all she wants is her friends back. Aaron holds her tightly and watches as the pain shines throughher eyes. He puts his head on her hair and whispers, "You should be there with them."

A quick smile grows on Serena's face as she gives Aaron a kiss. She walks over to the empty set next to Nate and grabs his hand.

Four friends, four best friends, build one family. Four hands holding on to each other so tightly, so that one of themwon't break. _**Family. **_What is a family? Is it a father that doesn't care? A mother that is dead? A mother who is acting like she is 17? Family. What is a family? Could it be a strong bound between friends?

The tears in Lily's eyes are hard to ignore, it seems like they can't stop, and they all know what she's going to say. All of them know the words that are coming out of her mouth. He knows, and his nearly breaking. He knows, and it's killing him.

"I'm _**so**_ sorry," Lily cries out, she's destroyed.

That's the last thing Chuck Bass hears, because suddenly the whole room spins in circles. His stomach hurts, he feels sick, and everything goes black. He hears voices yelling for him, and he swears that he can see his father. It's a dark alley, so he knows that he isn't dying. Hell is all about fire and heaven about light, this was black, and it was his mind. Chuck meets up with his father and all that Bart can say before leaving is. "Take care of our family."

When he wakes, he's lying in the hospital bed. Blair is sitting next to him andsmiles when he opens his eyes.

"You scared me. You scared us."

His throat hurts and he has a hard time speaking. "Water!"

Blair gives him the glass of water and sits next to him. The door opens, and the rest of his family comes in. Nate walks and stands by his side. Serena slowly comes out of hiding and looks at Chuck. Eric tries to smile, but can't. Instead, he stands behind Serena.

The words that Bart told him play in his mind over and over. "Take care of our family." Was he still their family? When Lily arrives in the room, she sees the 17 year old fatherlessboy as her own. He is her son now, and looking at him makes her realize how much they need each other. He's lost, he's in pain, and no one can say anything different. She pulls it together for the sake of her new son; slowly she walks over to him and looks at his eyes. Her _**son, **_that was the least she could do right now. Her son needs her, and she needs him.

She stands besides him and without asking, she falls into his arms, hugging him tightly. His arms are paralyzed, not hugging her back. Then the voice of his father last words haunts him again, and he slowly loosens up to hug Lily back.

_**Family**__**. **_You either have one or you don't. Family doesn't have to be the people you share your blood with, it can be with the people you share a special bondwith.

Chuck Bass lost his father today, but at the same time he gained so many people. He lost, but he won. And though his father's death still hurts his heart, Chuck Bass knows that this time he'll have a family. For the first time, he'll have a real family.


End file.
